You are one of us but…
This statement is not said as often as what it implies happens. The art of the deal on rejection is complicated to say the least. Rejection in this world is everywhere. People of all races, cultures, ages and nationalities are dealing with rejection. So, what is rejection anyway and why does it matter? Well, rejection is dismissal or refusal of something or someone. The definition is simpler but the havoc it causes on a person’s life is unbelievable. It hurts so bad that most adult people are going through relationship woes in their lives not knowing that their present issues stem from past rejection. Some people are spending most of their time in therapy or on anti-depressants. That’s why it matters to talk about rejection.
Levels of rejection
I don’t know if everyone experiences rejection in their lives at the same level but I believe that almost everyone gets rejected some time. It can be a small rejection like a sorry email from a school you really wanted to go to, a sorry letter for the job you had based all your hopes on. Or the big rejection like divorce, death of a loved one due to suicide, parental rejection that leaves kids living on the streets, babies abandoned in a dumpster and the list goes on and on.
What causes people to reject others?
My question is what causes rejection among people? Is it the rule of fearing scarcity (that there isn’t enough to go around) in this world that we end up rejecting others? Is it an ego problem, based on a wacko assumption that, if I reject you then you will know how important I am?
Is it a devilish stance against others maybe because you are in power and think people need to know it? Or it is because that’s just life, it’s not personal at all? When you have lived on earth, it seems like rejection is inevitable. I don’t think it’s all bad, it makes you who you are at the end of the day; a good, bad, ugly and beautiful person.
The rejected ones
Families are turning against each other, mother against daughter, father against son, a family member commits suicide and the ones left living experience rejection (I would know, it’s a story for another day). Divorce is rampant these days and it’s common but it is still a form of rejection and hurts like one. There are people who are rejected from their professions for many different reasons. There are rejected kids who don’t see a way out and will have to run away from home because they feel rejected either they choose to stay or leave. Then there is rejection by family because of your sexuality, religion and sexual orientation. Race is also the root of humanity rejecting each other since forever. The list goes on and on but the truth of the matter is rejection is a deeply disturbing phenomenon that plenty of people are going through. Some basis of rejection, is something you don’t have control over like your race, gender, e.t.c.
The detrimental effects of rejection cover all bases of your humanity that is physical, spiritual, heart, mind and soul. When you are rejected you may end up alone, maybe sleeping on the streets of some town not physically safe. You end up heartbroken after the divorce or break-up. Your mind and soul are all muddled up and you can’t think clearly, it’s like you are walking in a fog. Spirituality can take a beating because, if there is a God, how could he allow such agony in your life?
However, before you throw in the towel and walk-away from hope of acceptance, there are 10 things you need to remember about rejection:
- It’s not always about you
There are people who will reject you due to their own insecurities and personal beliefs. A mother can reject a baby maybe because they were raped to conceive the baby. That baby is a reminder of that awful experience. People who are insecure may reject you because they don’t feel like they can measure up. A person who has been through the ringer, be it robbery, stealing or something awful, may project all their fear and anger on the whole race or gender of the person who mugged them. It’s not about you, most of the time.
- Life happens
Life is a constant. You cannot stop it or control all of it. Circumstances and conditions change as life happens every single day. You may lose a job that you rely on financially. A mother may abandon you, reject you into adoption or foster care not because either of you are wrong but maybe she lost a job, got on drugs and could not see a way out. Life happening in a good or bad way causes rejection.
A wise person knows that timing is everything. A potential lover, a boyfriend or girlfriend may reject you because of timing issues. You want A and they want Z. They are thinking now is the perfect time for this and that and you don’t agree. A lot of girls will know what it’s like to date a guy, thinking he will propose and marry you but maybe his heart is on promotion at work. Or you want a baby and they don’t. He is not on the same time schedule as you are. Don’t worry about it, it happens.
- People change for better or for worse
Change is inevitable. People may reject you now because they have changed for better or worse. In relationships, you always hope that people change together but that is not always the case. One person may change while the other hasn’t. Bear in mind that if a person changed and they truly cared about you, they will let you in into the change. Some don’t and that’s when you may face rejection.
- Talk about it
It’s better to be a loud gong to several ears than to become a mute that is shredding the heart into little pieces. So you have been rejected, please talk about it. When you talk, you will realize that you are not the only person, this has happened to or who is going through this kind of rejection. Don’t make your pain extra unique to the human race. There is nothing new under the sun.
- Refuse to dwell on it
What one person thinks about you is not what everyone thinks. You may have been rejected by your own family, friends or partners and they may tell you a lot of negative things. Don’t dwell on it. If they think it, it doesn’t mean that every person in this wide world thinks the same about you. There is over 7 billion people on earth, being rejected by one or a group doesn’t mean everyone else will. Refuse self-negative feedback. You become what you think about.
- Reject the enemy from within
Some people after encountering rejection, they dwell on it and become their own enemy. These people will imprint the negative words that some person who rejected them said and start to self-doubt forever. This reminds me of Miss Havisham, a spinster whose fiancee’ jilted her on the wedding day and she became bitter and wore her tattered wedding dress for all her life (from the book Great Expectations by Charles Dickens). An enemy outside can do us no harm except the enemy within. Don’t let your mind to be muddled up by some person. You can’t change what they think about you but you can change what you think about you.
- There is always tomorrow,
Life goes through seasons. Just remember a rainbow comes after a hurricane. Maybe you are experiencing a rough tide of life, be it a day, a week or a season, always hold your head high. You are still alive and who knows what tomorrow brings. Nothing in life is forever. Rejected today, loved more than you could imagine tomorrow.
- Count it a blessing.
Remember that point I made that it’s not always about you? Yes, sometimes people reject you due to their own insecurities and you should count it a blessing. When it happens, it hurts like hell and you feel inferior. However, remember those past times when something bad happened, the boss rejected your application for a promotion, then you applied to a different company? Six months later you read it on the news that, that former employer is liquidating. Or a boyfriend who walked away only for you to meet your soul mate. Look at inspiring stories of people who were rejected only for them to become even better than what they were crying for. Like, Jack Ma, the Chinese billionaire who says in his speeches that everyone he went to interview with at a KFC restaurant got a job except him.If you look back on your life, you can see that some rejection were a blessing in disguise. If they were for you they wouldn’t reject you. Whoever is connected to you and your destiny or purpose in life, can’t walk away. What is truly yours, is yours.
- It’s an opportunity to meet new people
Rejection is a bittersweet emotion, at least that’s how I choose to look at it. It’s literally bitter first when it happens then you meet new better people and it’s sweet. So hold on, don’t start stalking people which in itself is kind of rejecting to be rejected. That is caused by holding on to a dear past, that in actual fact never truly existed. Move on in your mind and you will meet new people. Open your mind and let the sweetness in.
Rejection is necessary
Always bear in mind, that not everyone will accept you. Rejection hurts but in a weird way, it is necessary. Look at it this way, what if every person you ever asked out said yes? What if you said yes to everyone and everything? What if every job application was a yes? It’s good that sometimes, the answer is no. Shake it off and look forward to your next step. Remember that rejection is an emotion, it too like all other emotions shall pass. Every rejection takes you closer to acceptance and to your true destiny. And if you are someone who believes in God, then you already know that you are very accepted. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16.