The eternal prison after sexual assault

Sex scandals

I have been reading sexual assault news allegations against men in higher positions for the past few weeks. One has to ask, how far has the world come in terms of equal treatment for women? Have the times changed for the better? Why are these men who assaulted women not in prison right now? Is it only men of power who are not in prison or there are many men who have sexually abused women who have not been penalized? Will justice ever be served?

These women who were sexually assaulted will forever, always carry the scars of that awful incident in their shattered psyches. How would I know? Well I am one of them. My sexual abuse was not by a man of power or status but it sure felt like he was  in those few minutes. And yes, I do carry scars that are invisible from the surface, yet they cut down to the bone marrow. Scars so deep the Grand Canyon can compare.

I hear the cry of my fellow women, my sisters all over the world. India’s horrific stories are all over the news, the Western world is making front page news, and in most third-world countries, its under-reported. What’s wrong with these men who are destroying lives by that which they carry between their legs? When did little boys grow into ruthless, tyrannical, diabolical sexual predators? Clearly, it’s not about sex, so what is it about?

Respect

My question is how do we reach our boys, our men to teach them that their penis is not a weapon for destruction of women’s souls? How do we teach them to love and respect women? How do we teach them that sexual over-powering and aggression are not the pillars of manhood?

That every woman you see is someone’s daughter, a sister and a mother? If not to you then to someone else like you. What happened to respecting the mysterious and beautiful feminine power? How would you feel if this was done to you or your loved one, male or female?

Don’t tell me

I have read some comments that follow the articles that are written of women who are telling of their horrific experiences, the comment section is more horrifying. Most of the society behind the keyboard is telling these women to get over it, or they don’t believe them because they didn’t report the crime as soon as it happened. Ouch!  How that hurts?

I am telling you now, why I didn’t report my abuse, because I thought that if I kept it a secret, I will be able to hold on to the little dignity I had left. However, a bleeding heart is hard to silence. Please don’t insult victims of abuse like that, we already feel broken and don’t need to continue being victimized. Coming forward to report these brutal attacks is the hardest part. According to CDC (Center for disease control and prevention),  the consequences of being sexually assaulted are horrifying, so please:

  • Don’t deny my story because I already tried to deny it myself from the very moment it was happening.
  • Don’t say it’s about money, there is no bank big enough to cover the deep scars the victims carry.
  • Don’t tell me it was because of what I was wearing because ribbons in my hair with a front teeth gap after losing baby teeth is hardly sexy. For my sister to whom it happened because she was dressed nicely, she still was not looking for a man to jump on her without her consent.
  • Don’t tell me to get over it when I have to live with the flashbacks.
  • Don’t tell me that I asked for it, being female doesn’t mean sex on legs.
  • Don’t tell me to dress modestly and to cover myself because sexual abuse is also rampant in parts of the world where women are covered from head to toe.
  • Don’t tell me that the men who are doing this only get few years in prison, (if that), and I have to live in the prison this man forcibly built around me for the rest of my life.

What kind of jail you ask?

The worst kind, a jail that is invisible yet suffocate the life out of me,

the jail that makes me paranoid of being gazed upon by a man at a bus stop when it’s dark even though he means me no harm,

the jail that makes some of its victims’ barren because little girls’ bodies are being shattered for life at an early age,

the jail of loving and hating the man I am married to because he reminds me of my abuser yet he is a decent guy,

 the jail of paranoia for my beloved daughters because if it happened to me then I have got to stop it happening to them,

the jail of trying by all means necessary to numb the pain by taking drugs, alcohol or going the extra mile that the abuse started and becoming a prostitute,

the jail of being always hyper alert and

the jail of not trusting myself when I teach my sons to love and respect women because I am scared that I might go overboard and leave them afraid of women.

The injustice of it all

I hear that these men are in therapy as an act of getting better from their chauvinistic immoral behaviors. However, if these men did intend to change, why don’t they start by owning up to what they did? Why are they not imprisoned, serving their time and continuing their therapy in jail? It seems like the society continues to give high class offenders, the fat cats,

a free pass. If they were janitors, they would be hanged in the gallows by now. I thought the Western world was done with petty things like society hierarchy classes but there they are, the rich powerful men who abuse and molest women at whim, walking freely among us. How many women have to come forward before the police take these dangerous individuals from our midst? What are they waiting for?Rainn website says, “perpetrators of sexual violence are less likely to go to jail or prison than other criminals”.  Do we, as a society, believe that all the women who came forward and are still coming forward are lying?

Behind closed doors

We are at a crisis point right now not just in the Western world, but this is a global issue. A lot of these sexual abuses are being hidden behind closed doors, especially in countries where women have yet to find their voice. These abuses are being done by relatives, friends or neighbors of these women. In order to keep peace in our families and sometimes the threats that are given to us by these predators, we keep it quiet.

Where do we go from here?

How do we put the message across, worldwide, to stop the sexual abuse of women? How do we tell our bosses to respect us without sounding like a feminist coming from the rally? How do we protect ourselves as a gender? My question is, where do we go from here?

When are the judicial systems of the world going to catch up on the horror that a lot of women are living with on a daily basis?

Little jail time and or fines don’t cut it because what these men did to us, we will carry to the grave. How do we women get the courage to speak out as soon as we can so we can get the help we need? Wait a minute though, women did come out in America and the men that stand accused are not in prison, there is no court date yet, why is that?

We have dealt with oppression for a very long time, voting is a new century thing. We don’t want to go back to the kitchen of our houses like centuries ago, just because little willy is terrorizing the village. This new torture device on the market has to be tamed, its intent and purposes is not to terrorize others. Abuse of women has got to stop, here and now.